A Kept Woman

Right now, I am not working, at least not in the traditional sense of the word.  I am a KEPT WOMAN!  There are certainly both pros and cons to my current work situation.  

I recently resigned a teaching post that I both loved and loathed…  I absolutely adored the kids I taught, and the school I was at.  But teaching is inherently stressful.  It sounds so nice to have your summers off, but the rest of the school year definitely makes up for it.

Deadlines in a school system are hard-and-fast.  When your grades have to be in, there is NO leeway.  The way grades are reported anymore depend on a complex computer system run at the county level, that seems to involve quite a bit of luck and perhaps a little voodoo.  And if your grades are late, the entire county shuts down.  You simply wouldn't believe how fast an administrator can get up in your grill if you don't keep the schedule.

To be able to do this, you have to keep all your regular grades up-to-date.  This means that when you give a weekly test, quiz, and homework to your students, you have approximately 350 to 400 papers to grade each week.  This, of course, could at least partially be completed in your 45 minute planning block each day, IF you didn't have to call parents and attend meeting upon meeting upon meeting.

Added to that, your "summer off" generally includes some teaching summer school, some Graduate classes to fulfill your continuing education requirements, and at least one week of "in-service" where you return to school to ready your classroom, plan your new classes, and attend meeting upon meeting upon meeting.

This all quickly reduces your "summers off from about 7 weeks to approximately 3 days.  You can generally fit in a nice long weekend at the beach -- a whole week with some really creative planning!

So, after many years of teaching, and missing family weddings and visits with our kids in Sweden, the dust gathering on the two books I have been writing, and a few really cool business trips my husband could have taken me on, we (yes, we decided jointly) decided that I should resign my position to allow me time to pursue other interests.

This basically makes me a kept woman.  Oh!  The stigma associated with that, for a child of the 80's with not one but two degrees, and over 25 years of work experience!  It wouldn't seem so awful, had I resigned to raise a family.  But I am only a part-time mom now.

So what is it like, to be my husband's dependent?  How can I rationalize this, give up my financial security, my freedom?  Well, it really hasn't come to that.  Certainly there are both positive and negative aspects to the whole situation.

I guess the pros are that I can make my own hours; I can work in my pajamas most of the time; I can pursue what I want, when I want; and I don't have to ask or tell anyone if I need a sick day, personal day, mental health day, or just want to get out of town for a little while.

I can also make doctor's appointments during regular business hours.  I can grocery shop when the stores are empty.  And I get lots more time with my husband!  The best thing of all, though, is being able to leave the country for an extended stay with our two precious little ones.

The biggest downside, as anyone would imagine, are the loss of income.  I didn't lose insurance of course because I am on my husband's policy.  And luckily for me, I had relatively few bills before I resigned.  My car is paid for, my credit card balances minimal, and my student loans much smaller than most.

Another downside, though, is that I can make my own schedule, work in my pajamas, and pursue what I want, when I want.  Yes, I just listed those as benefits BUT…  You really have to be quite self-disciplined to get anything done with this much freedom!

I have found that I really need to have a routine.  I have also found that keeping a routine imposed on me by others, is much easier to keep than one I have made for myself.  

A good example of this is illustrated by my damned alarm clock, which I have always loathed.  In the past, with a job outside of the home, it merely was there to annoy me out of bed every morning.  Now, should it fail to get the job done because the back of my mind realizes I do not, in fact, have 100+ teenagers waiting for me and depending on me, I sometimes hit snooze way too many times.  The alarm continues to sound at a regular interval, however it has now taken on this mocking tone, as if to say, "Man, you really ARE lazy!  Can't you get up and at least do SOMETHING?".

Another problem is being able to work in your pajamas.  I have to say, on the rare occasion that I do jump right out of bed when the alarm sounds, I sometimes get going on my "work" and forget to bathe and change until well into the afternoon.  This can be a bit embarrassing when the UPS man shows up at 4pm and you answer the door in fuzzy bunny slippers, your hair standing up on end.

And being able to pursue anything you want, when you want, is a double-edged sword that the adult with ADD will continually fall upon.  I start to write about something, and it makes me remember something I didn't do.  So I get up, and I notice something that needs to be cleaned and forget again what it was I meant to do.  

Then I get hungry, and I go to the fridge to get a snack and see something interesting in there, and pretty soon, I've started cooking something.  And halfway through that, I'll remember what I forgot and go do it, until the smoke alarm reminds me about that latest recipe I had begun to test out.  At which point, I need to clean something again, reminding me that I was in the middle of writing an article…

I also never seem to work exercise into my schedule.  It would seem much of this time I had earmarked for exercising, now that I should be well-rested and have such freedom, has in fact been spent cooking.  Which of course means I need more exercise than ever!

Another "con" to add to the list is, I worry that if I fail on the front of writing, I will have put myself at a bit of a disadvantage when it comes to returning to my career.  Although I must confess, this is the least of my concerns right now -- teachers are in demand, and I can always pick up more tutoring jobs if I so desire.

So, how do I feel about being a stay-at-home wife and part-time mother?  Well, I have to say that my husband makes it much easier than I thought it would be.  I am not expected to have an "allowance".  I am not expected to tackle housework on my own.  And we really do appreciate the extra time together.

I think the most important thing for me, though, is to be available to spend time with our girls, any time the opportunity presents itself.  Sure, it would be nice to be like my husband, and to have a job where I was not only indispensable, but where I could telecommute…  But until I reach that point in MY career, this is far and away the best option.

The kids are only small once, and I'm sure not going to do a half-baked job at being there for them!  It's all about the priorities.