Odd Swedish Culinary Laws?

Swedish Law declares that all homes have these... What at first appears to be a small flower pot but is, in fact, a small coffee cup from IKEA. Clearly there are several reasons for this requirement, the most readily distinguishable being that this of course increases revenues for that bastion of Swedish commercialism. The others, however, has some darker implications. 


Say, perchance, you are an unsuspecting foreigner to Sverige. Upon discovery of these items you would immediately assume that all Swedes are keen gardeners, and would come away with the impression that the entire country is occupying the moral high ground when it comes to "greenness".  And you might also wonder where the farmer's market is, and why they are hiding it from you.


Even more startling is the possibility that said foreign visitor might awaken on their second day in the country and have no idea from whence to drink their morning coffee. Surely, our intrepid traveler, having discovered that only glass, ummm, glasses and flower pots occupy space in a Swedish kitchen, said alien would have little choice but to quickly flee the country for lack of an adequate caffeine buzz. 


In essence, this flower-pot-cum-coffee-cup would act as a purification system with respect to foreign nationals, ensuring the integrity of the lovely long-limbed and generally fair Swedish populace.  Especially since, unlike some place like Rhode Island, there is NOT a Starbucks on every corner.


Now, I'm not saying Sweden isn't a friendly place to visit,  because it is.  People were always helpful with directions and speaking English and anything really that you could ask for.  I'm just saying that apparently, they do NOT want to share their coffee!


Another, seemingly unrelated fact of life in Sweden is that the linoleum used in the majority of Swedish apartment-home kitchens is made entirely of dirt. I would show you a picture, but sadly the home we were living in is equipped with some rather un-modern wide-plank pine flooring. But I digress... 


Again the clever Swedes have accomplished several things with just one marvel of modern technology. 


First, if your floor is in fact made of highly compressed dirt, there really is NEVER any point in trying to clean your kitchen floor. 


Second, the entertainment value of watching unsuspecting visiting Americans make themselves ill with their "Three Second Rule" is, although time-consuming, quite, ummmm, entertaining. 


And should, say, an kitchen-cleaning OCD American happen into your home, there is immediate and long-term comedic value in videotaping their 6-hour adventure in trying to render said floor "clean".

Another oddity of life in Sweden is, that if you have a washer and dryer, they will be in your bathroom.  This might seem an innocuous choice until one realizes that (a) your shower is NOT a tub, and when you turn it on it ineffably sprays the entire bathroom floor, if not the entire bathroom, with tepid water; and (b) that in Sweden like most of Europe, they use 220V, not the wimpy 110V we have here in the US.


I found it best for one's peace of mind, to unplug the washer before starting the shower (dryers tending to be mounted ABOVE them, and less likely to be sprayed as you bathe), however it is seriously NOT recommended, should you forget to do this, to reach out and unplug the appliance DURING your shower.  It makes "I dropped the soap" sound innocuous.

A final oddity of Swedish life is the preponderance of snails found in gardens.  I was never really able to confirm or deny that these were what might be considered "escargot", and so like all the mushrooms I found, we pretty much left them be.  Except for that one day, where we collected all the snails we could find in our garden in a bucket and then tried to count them -- they move a little quicker than you would think!


And for those who wonder, how many, for whom the curiosity would just burn you up, not knowing...  For those who like immediate gratification and are possessed of a curiosity that would make a cat envious...  For those that want everything done and all the loose ends tied up YESTERDAY, or who could otherwise be considered demanding, impatient, hyperactive, or some other adjective that eludes me at this particular point in time (hahaha did you really just read all that, without jumping to the bottom of the page?)...


There were...


Well, it was a pretty tiny garden...


Eighty-nine snails!  Now, go make yourself a flower-pot of coffee, scrub your floor, and top it off with an escargot smorgas...  You deserve it!