I go into a lovely eatery that serves breakfast at any time, in wonderful Arlington Virginia, at 1am. I walk up to a deserted counter with one rather sleepy-looking guy at the register. His shirt (no name tag) proclaims him to be an Operating Partner.
After a very brief scan of the menu, I order a bagel all the way. To go.
OP: That will be $2.17, ma'am.
Me: That doesn't sound right.
OP: A bagel with cream cheese. That's $2.17.
Me: But I wanted a bagel all the way.
OP: I'm afraid I don't know what you mean.
Me: It's a bagel with cream cheese, smoked salmon, onions, capers....
OP: What's a caper?
Me: It's a little round green thing that you put on bagels.
OP: Oh, a pea?
Me: No, a little round green SALTY thing you put on bagels.
OP: A scallion?
Me: No, a caper (are scallions round?).
OP: I'm afraid I don't know what that is.
Me: It's OK, the guys in the kitchen will know.
OP: I don't think we have those ma'am (again with the ma'am!!!!).
Me: Have you SEEN your menu?
OP: Yes (need I say it???) ma'am, I've been here 10 years.
Me: Then you're not a very quick study, are you?
OP: Ummm…
Me: I have a daughter, she's known what a caper is since she was maybe 4 years old.
OP: I don't think we have those (AAAAAAAARRRGGGGGGHHHHH!) ma'am.
Me: ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE SEEN YOUR MENU? HERE?
OP: Yes, ma'am (I'm about to kill someone now!), I've been here 10 years.
Me: Yes, I think we've covered that. Well, never mind then.
OP: Pardon?
Me: I'm going to Marios. They don't ask me what a sausage is.
OP: Pardon?
Me: It must be getting really easy to become an Operating Partner anymore.
OP: Ma'am (!!!!!)?
Me: Nothing, just go read your menu.
This was an actual conversation, too silly for me to have made up! Although I must say, his manners were IMPECCABLE!
mmmm... capers. But I think I'll skip the salmon and bagel and have mine with some thinly pounded chicken, lemon butter and fettucini.
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