How to Drive Yourself Insane with Clocks

(1)  Go to bed in the middle of a thunderstorm.  As you drift off, briefly wonder (a) if you let the dog in, and (b) if you set the alarm.

(2)  Sleep.

(3)  Wake up before the alarm goes off.  Decide it doesn't matter, and go back to sleep.

(4)  Wake up again, and realize that the alarm STILL has not gone off.  Open one eye to peer at the alarm clock.  Note that it is flashing "BOB" at you.  Close your one eye and decide it doesn't matter.  Try to go back to sleep.

(5)  Without opening an eye, think what a strange dream you are having, that your alarm clock would be flashing a word instead of a time at you.  Wonder who the heck Bob is, anyway.  Try to go back to sleep.

(6)  Sit bolt-upright in the bed as you realize the alarm clock only flashes after a power outage.  Frantically claw your way out of the bed, getting tangled in the sheets.  Trip over the cat and hit your head on the dresser.

(7)  Stumble into the bathroom.  Notice the giant welt already forming on your forehead from the battle with the dresser.  Realize there is no clock in the bathroom.  PANIC!

(8)  Run around the house frantically trying to figure out if you even own a clock that isn't connected to the grid, and if so where would it be.  Realize you do, it's a travel alarm, and the last time you set it was in 1998.

(9) Abandon all hope of finding a clock, and decide to call Time on the phone.  Rush to the phone, and listen to the dial tone as you realize that you don't know the number for Time.  Slam the phone back down.

(10)  Run to the computer, deciding to look up the number for Time online.  Realize it, too, was subject to the power outage.  Click on Restart.

(11)  After 7.6 seconds, realize you don't have the patience to wait for the computer to reboot.

(12)  Run for your cell phone, intending to dial 411 for the number to Time.  While you dial, realize that your cell phone displays the time on the front of it.  It is already 9:07am!  MORE PANIC!

(13)  Run headlong upstairs to the shower.  Turn it on.  Jump in even though you realize it is freezing cold.  Begin to soap yourself head-to-toe.

(14)  Cringe when you hit the bump on your head.  Get soap in your eye.  Hop around the shower cursing.

(15)  Exit the shower with one stinging eye and a welt the size of Guam on your forehead, just as the water actually became warm.  Notice your spouse still in bed.

(16)  Just as  you are about to scream at said spouse, "What the Hell are you doing still in bed, it's after 9:00am!!!!!!", realize it's Saturday.

(17)  Briefly consider the possibility of finding that travel alarm and making sure it works.  Dismiss this idea.  Briefly consider and dismiss the ideas of slamming your alarm clock into the wall, setting fire to your aggressive dresser, and letting the dog out.

(18)  Crawl back in to bed, snuggle up next to your still sleeping spouse, and cry yourself back to sleep.