Mmmmoussaka!

Ingredients

• 6  tablespoon(s) cooking oil
• 1   onion, chopped
• 2   cloves garlic, minced
• 1  pound(s) ground lamb
• 1/2 cup(s) red wine
• 1  tablespoon(s) tomato paste
• 1 1/2 cup(s) canned crushed tomatoes in puree (one 15-ounce can)
• 1   bay leaf
• 1   cinnamon stick
• 1/8 teaspoon(s) ground allspice
• 1  teaspoon(s) salt
• Fresh-ground black pepper
• 1   eggplant (about 1 pound), peeled and cut into 1/4-inch slices
• 4  ounce(s) cream cheese
• 1/4 cup(s) milk
• 1/4 cup(s) grated Parmesan

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Directions

1. Heat the broiler. In a large stainless-steel frying pan, heat 1 tablespoon of the oil over moderate heat. Add the onion and garlic; cook until starting to soften, about 3 minutes. Add the lamb and cook until the meat loses its pink color, about 2 minutes. Stir in the wine, tomato paste, tomatoes, bay leaf, cinnamon, allspice, 3/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Bring to a boil. Reduce the heat. Simmer, covered, for 10 minutes.
2. Brush both sides of the eggplant slices with the remaining 5 tablespoons oil and season with 1/8 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Put the eggplant slices on a large baking sheet and broil, 6 inches from the heat, until browned, about 5 minutes. Turn and broil until browned on the other side, about 5 minutes longer.
3. In a small saucepan, combine the cream cheese, milk, 1/8 teaspoon salt, and a pinch of pepper. Warm over low heat until just melted.
4. Oil an 8-by-8-inch baking dish. Layer half the eggplant in the dish, then half the meat sauce. Sprinkle with half the Parmesan. Repeat with the remaining eggplant, meat sauce, and Parmesan. Spoon the cream-cheese sauce on top;broil until just starting to brown, 1 to 2 minutes.

Lifted this great recipe from Delish.com, where I spend a bit of time answering people's cooking questions.  They have a great bunch of searchable recipes, and you can even use the advanced search to find what you could make with the ingredients you have on hand!

The 3-Second Rule

One might think it somewhat odd, that so much time and energy (not to mention money) has been spent investigating whether the 3-Second Rule (or 5-Second Rule, or 30-Second rule, depending on where you live or what your family told you) is true.  Then we consider the fact that the U.S. Government spent nearly a BILLION dollars to discover that the major source of methane released into the atmosphere is not pollution from manufacturing or vehicle emissions, but bovine flatulence (true story), and it all gets put into perspective.

I myself have been a firm believer in the 3-Second (but not 5- and DEFINITELY NOT 30-Second!!!) Rule for many a year.  I generally think that if you are isolated from too many germs, you start to lose your ability to fight infections.  Eating a few germs now and then, is sort of like being immunized -- right?  Well, what I found out may just have put the kibosh on that 3-Second Rule for me, for good!

Clemson University conducted a study which used bread and bologna dropped on different floors contaminated with salmonella.  They found that carpet held the most bacteria.  Wood did better than tile.  Dropped bead or bologna had 150 to 8000 bacteria after 5 seconds, easily enough to make you sick with either salmonella or e coli.  This makes you wonder, though, how often do you have these bacteria in your house (we'll get to that!)?  They also found that dry foods do better than wet, and accumulate less bacteria.

San Diego State University conducted a study which was funded by Clorox!  They used carrots and sippy cups dropped on countertops, high chair trays, tile floors and carpets.  They found that, for carrots, the most germs were transferred from countertops.  For sippy cups, the most germs came from highchair trays.  COUNTERTOPS???  I wasn't too worried about the sip cup finding, as I rarely use mine anymore.  It has to be a pretty rough morning for me to need a lid on my tea.

The University of Illinois, in their study, used gummy bears and e coli, and yes the gummy bears picked it up.  In numbers high enough to make a person ill.

The thing is, how much e coli or salmonella do you really think is living in your home?  Common precautions are to clean with some sort of bleach solution (the Clorox Connection) and use some common sense.  I get teased for how many paper towels I use, BUT I refuse to keep a kitchen sponge or rag.  Kitchen sponges have more germs that your pet's food dish does, according to CDC.  And my brush that pre-cleans the dishes before going in the dishwasher, goes through the dishwasher itself once a week (dishwasher detergent generally contains a small amount of bleach, and the high wash temperature kills bacteria).

If you drop a tortilla chip or cookie on a "clean" floor, you will eat bacteria.  if you drop that same chip or cookie on the kitchen counter, you will also eat bacteria.  And if you lick your fingertips after eating a totally "clean" chip or cookie, you will eat bacteria!  Bacteria lives under our fingernails, no matter how much we wash or scrub.  If you wear shoes in the house (who doesn't?) you are tracking dirt, grime, allergens, and (YUCK!) fecal bacteria from the outside world, into your home.  So, if you drop a tortilla chip or cookie on your carpet, you will eat bacteria.

We eat bacteria every day, mostly in amounts not harmful to us.  There is bacteria living on the foods we buy, even on fresh produce.  It has been estimated by the FDA that over 19% of chickens sold in grocery stores contain salmonella, and other reports are not nearly so encouraging…  And despite our best efforts to keep a clean house -- that spot right in front of your kitchen sink (do you have a nice little rug there, like I do?) collects bacteria like CRAZY!  That 6-square-foot space has more bacteria in it than your toilet!  The thing is, use a little common sense again.  Don't eat wet or sticky foods that have fallen onto some surface you haven't JUST cleaned.  And for Heaven's sake, don't eat anything that falls on that little rug in front of the sink!

Other odd places you find lots of germs may shock you…  Cell phones are especially bad for germs, even worse than your kitchen counter.  We clean our bathrooms, but that toilet-paper holder?  It's the grubbiest place in your house, with more bacteria than the inside of your kitchen trash can.  The bottom line is, if you are healthy, you are already exposed to all sorts of bacteria every day.  Things that you KNOW are prone to growing harmful germs (like salmonella and e coli), must be properly prepared and then not eaten if dropped.  Dry things that would keep unrefrigerated for long periods of time are usually safer than wet, soggy things -- but why risk it?  

Remember this:  We wear our seat belts every time we get in the car, on the very slight chance that one day, we will be in an accident.  The chances of salmonella lurking in your home somewhere, are much higher than the chance you will be in a car accident.  So, why do we push our luck for that one little bit of cookie, that one gummy bear?  Remember that last "stomach flu" you had?  It was probably food poisoning!

Want to read more about Salmonella in your chicken?  http://www.consumersunion.org/food/chickbacny698.htm

A Charmed Life?

On days like today, I sit for long stretches of time and consider what a wonderful, marvelous, charmed life I live.

I have a husband that I adore, and who shows me every day that he loves me.  I have a grown daughter who is healthy, intelligent, and lots of fun to be around.  I have two step-daughters who light up my life with their smiles and laughter, and I have an actual friendship with their terrific mother, not just a "working" relationship.

I have divorced parents who get along.  I have aunts and uncles that are also friends.  I have cousins who are so much fun to be around, it's a party whenever you get three of us in a room.  I have my cousins' children to buy toys for this holiday season.  I have a brother who is endlessly creative and encouraging.

Despite a few bad genes, I am in pretty decent health.  I have hobbies that I love and can pursue almost every day.  I have a dog who is among the sweetest in the World, and a cat who can shake my hand when I ask.  

I have a lovely home, and I do not lack for delicious food every day.

Oh, sure, I am expanding around the middle, always fighting the "battle of the bulge".  But I am somehow MOSTLY wrinkle-free, and can hide all those darned grey hairs pretty easily with an $8 bottle of color.

I have a car, and a degree, and can work when I want, doing what I want.  Certainly the bills always seem to pile up, no matter what our household income.  But we aren't worried about whether the lights are going to be shut off.  It's enough to make you want to barf, right?

The thing that I sit and marvel the most about is, that there was a time I could see all these blessings, and still not be happy.  I suffer from clinical depression.  

Unlike the depression everyone will at some time go through, mine is not brought on by some sort of life circumstance.  Certainly, I would be depressed at the loss of a loved one, or losing a job or (God forbid!) our home.  But the type of depression I suffer from is chronic, and is not alleviated with time or with a change for the better in circumstances.

It was, for a very long time, hard to talk about this.  What I did not understand is that depression like mine is a disease, something I could no better control through sheer force of will, than if I had diabetes or high blood pressure.  My brain decides to dump too many of the wrong chemicals in my system, and that has to be corrected with medication.

Many people do not understand this, and either misunderstand people with this disease, or WORSE -- suffer for years with their own clinical depression, and think it is something they ought to be able to overcome on their own.

To put it succinctly, we depression sufferers feel like wimps, crybabies, failures.  

It makes it hard to talk to anyone about this sort of problem.  You feel like you are not taking full control of your life, like it is a simple short-coming that, if you were more self-disciplined, you could overcome.  And you begin to feel even more isolated by this "inability", which causes you to withdraw from friends and family…  Making the problem worse.

You also feel guilt.  Terrible, wracking guilt.  You want to talk to someone but at the same time, you don't want to burden them.  You know there are people who care about you, but you feel they have their own problems and yours are so insignificant.

You feel like you want to stay in bed and hide from the World.  And even when there are people -- friends, co-workers, even parents or children -- who are counting on you…  Some days this just isn't enough to drag yourself out into the World and do what you need to do.

Sometimes you feel so overwhelmed by what is "wrong" with you, with your life, that you wish you could just stop BEING.  You wish that you would just stop breathing, because that would be one way to stop hurting.

But you go on because you can't bear the pain of doing something so terrible to your loved ones.

Even so, some days you muse that, you have life insurance.  Maybe your children, your family, would actually be better off without you.  You think that you certainly must be affecting them with your moods, in a negative way.  

And then, in the back of your head, the thing NO ONE wants to admit, starts to happen.  You begin to think of ways to stop breathing, that would set you free from the worry, the sadness, the pain, the guilt.

You may not want to have these thoughts.  But they form anyway, in times when your mind is idle.  You think that, if you had a horrible car accident, maybe everyone would think it was just that -- an accident -- and mourn you without feeling guilty.

OK.  I just said it.  I just raised the most taboo topic there is when dealing with depression.  Clinical depression leads to unwanted thoughts of suicide.  I say UNWANTED.  Because what you would really choose, if you felt it was an option, is to live and to be happy.  But with clinical depression, over a long period of time, you come to believe that this is just not ever going to be an option for you.  And you start to long to end the suffering.  You are worn down.

Think about someone in chronic pain, for the rest of their lives, from some horrible illness or accident.  We wouldn't fault them if they at times, wanted to take their own life.  We don't want them to, don't want to lose them, and don't want to lose hope that some day their pain will cease.  But we understand the feeling, if the pain is physical anyway.

If the pain is emotional, it is much harder to understand.  But clinical depression also can bring physical pain.  The emotional sort alone can be unbearable.  But the combination is horrific, if you consider a lifetime of both.

So, what is the point here?  

The point is, there IS hope.  I went from being a person who honestly, TRULY believed that ALL people were unhappy most of the time, and that life in general was pointless, to try to fight all this sadness that infected me and (I believed) everyone else…  To someone who daily counts their blessings and is thankful for every breath I draw.

I went from feeling there was some failure on my part to adequately "deal" with the World, to understanding that I had a chemical imbalance in m body, much like diabetes or hypothyroidism, that could only be corrected with medication.

I went from having entire months where I cried at least once a day, and missed work at least once from not being able to face the World…  To loving my life and all the people in it.  I think of this especially during the holidays, when many people suffer more instead of less.

If you have experienced depression that has lasted more than a month; if you have ever felt like no one could understand what you are going through; if you feel you can't "bother" loved ones with your problems; if you have ever felt guilty for having a bad day; and most CERTAINLY, if you have been wishing for an end to the unhappiness, even if it meant ending your life….  You could be suffering from clinical depression.

If you know someone who you feel might identify with any of the above statements, THEY might be clinically depressed.

And what needs to happen then is, a trip to the Doctor.  Most GPs will be able to help you diagnose the problem.  And then they will be able to help you take the next step.  Believe me when I say, the pain of exposing this problem and getting the help you need, is far preferable to any other option.

And hey, if you or someone else is suffering with depression, you are not in bad company.  Others who have gone on-record as depression sufferers include Buzz Aldrin, Terry Bradshaw, Agatha Christie, Winston Churchill, Charles Dickens, Harrison Ford, Ernest Hemingway, Billy Joel, Beyonce Knowles, Heath Ledger, John Lennon, Abraham Lincoln, Michelangelo, Mozart, Isaac Newton, Sylvia Plath, Trent Reznor, Anne Rice, Brooke Shields, Mark Twain, Kurt Vonnegut, Walt Whitman, and Virginia Woolfe.  Is this bad company?

There is someone on this list that everyone can identify with, someone everyone can admire and respect.

It is estimated that 6-13% of the population suffers with CLINICAL depression, but to date less than two in three people are seeking help, and it is estimated that only one in five is receiving adequate help.  Even more shocking, suicide is still about the 9th leading cause of death in adults.  To put it in perspective…  In the US, about two people end their own lives in each state, EVERY DAY.

I'm not famous, but I would like to be on-record as a depression SURVIVOR.  If I can, one day, help one person be happier, help JUST ONE PERSON reclaim the joy in their lives, or help even one friend or family member to help someone else, then I will feel like a success.

I would feel that all the years I spent suffering, were not in vain.

So, if you are out there and have suffered long enough, or if you are reading and have been watching someone else suffer, you know what to do.  Make that appointment.  It could literally save a life.

And if it is not you but a friend…  You tell them you KNOW.  You tell them, everyone on this Earth can sympathize, but also that there is at least one person in their corner who understands -- this is NOT their fault.  Tell your friend, your mother, your sister, your spouse.  Tell them you can't stand to see them unhappy, and that you will be there to hold their hand as they try to make life better.

Again, this could save a life.  So at the risk of sounding silly,  I literally BESEECH you!  Suicide is preventable.  Depression is manageable.  Life is not only bearable, but it is wonderful.  And the odds are that every single one of us, knows someone who is not getting the help they need!

Go forth and DO good  :)  and it will make you FEEL good.  If you have your suspicions, they are probably founded.  It's the best holiday gift you can give yourself, and it could mean a whole new lease on life for someone else.

Aaaaaahhhhhh, Football!

Aaaaah, football.  The one reason I will wake up early on a Sunday (other than fishing, of course), anymore.  I learned the basics of the game from my Grandpa -- on his couch watching after many a Sunday dinner, and in the back yard learning how to throw the perfect spiral.

Back in "the day", Grandpa set down the law for me as well.  Living so close to Philadelphia, it is not surprising that he told me "We root for the Eagles, the Redskins, and anyone playing Dallas.  In that order.".

I remember that Thanksgiving was always a special treat, not just because the food or the time with family that is even more dear to me now that we are all so far-flung.  But because it was the much-awaited Redskins Cowboys game.  It was the original Thursday night football game.

The food was always wonderful…  My Grandma always made sure we were filled to the point of bursting.  I don't quite recall what she served for appetizers, other than the fact that it always included my two favorites:  shrimp cocktail with extra-hot cocktail sauce, and this date bread you had to bake in a can, topped with cream cheese.  

Then on to the turkey with all the trimmings…  Stuffing, gravy (NO LUMPS!), mashed potatoes, candied yams, her famous cole slaw that I am proud to be the only one who can still make, green bean casserole, crescent rolls, the works.

And then dessert -- the requisite pumpkin pie, of which I was never a fan, and then coconut cake for those of us pumpkin-challenged.  With plenty of ice cream and whipped cream to top whatever was your pleasure.

And then the game, oh the game!  I would sit next to my Grandpa, who would pull me close and tell me about picks, screens, draws, and fourth-down conversions.  Although I know now that he knew the ins and outs of a 3-4 and the "nickel", we never quite got to that part of the discussion when I was eight.

He would pump me full of details on the history of the Eagles and Redskins, and sometimes even the Dolphins.  The Cowboys, on the other hand, were just remarked of as "the Evil Empire".  Did you know that Vince Lombardi coached the 'Skins one year?  I did!

My Grandpa and I, we simply loved George Allen, Billy Kilmer, and the Over the Hill Gang.  Jack Pardee was OK, but not the best years for the 'Skins.  But oh, how we liked that Joe Gibbs guy!  We loved the Fun Bunch as well, and thought the excessive celebration rule was a bunch of bunk.

But the thing I liked the BEST was, in a house completely filled with people, this was time just for me and Grandpa to spend together.  Other people watched the game, to be sure.  But I don't remember that so much.  I remember that it was me and my Grandpa Dan, on the sofa or scrunched into his favorite armchair, just the tow of us discussing and loving every minute of the game.

I am a little spoiled, in that I knew all of my Grandparents.  Three of them lived well into my 20's.  My Grandpa, he made it until I was in my 30's.  I got to spend a lot of time with them, because for much of my childhood, we lived close by.  I didn't know then what I know now -- how not everyone has this blessing of a large, close family, and actual time to spend with them.

I miss my Grandpa Dan.  He taught me so many things, that they simply can't be contained in one blog entry.  But every time I turn on the TV, whether to root for the Eagles, to root for the 'Skins, or to root for whoever is plain Dallas (in roughly that order), I think of him and I feel close to him all over again.

I hope everyone has someone to enjoy a nice game of football (or baseball, basketball, soccer, tennis, what-have-you) with!  And if you don't, well, drop on by our house one Sunday.

Soo Sorry!

Swedish Chef is in the kitchen cooking allll daaaayyy!  BORK!


Will make it up to you tomorrow?

Sweet-n-Sour Radicchio

Mmmmm, racicchio.  It's not just for salads anymore!


Ingredients:

• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 large onion, thinly sliced
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
• 2 large heads of radicchio (about 1 1/2 pounds), cored, each cut into 8 wedges
• 1/3 cup raisins
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 2 tablespoons toasted pine nuts

Directions:
Melt butter with oil in heavy large skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and sugar. Sauté until onion is lightly browned, about 7 minutes. Add vinegar; stir to blend. Add radicchio, raisins, salt, and pepper. Cook until radicchio is just wilted, about 5 minutes. Transfer to serving dish; sprinkle with pine nuts.

The Statistics of Dating

It's the holiday season, and I know most of my single friends will appreciate this short run-down about why it's so hard to find that perfect person to take home with you for the holidays.

A brief Stats lesson first. In statistics, we represent the odds of this AND that happening* NOT as addition, but as multiplication.  The probability that a card is red is 50%, also known as 0.50. The probability that a card is a HEART, is 50% of all the red cards. SO, we represent the probability of a card being a heart as 0.50 x 0.50 = 0.25 or 25%.

See, this is NOT that tough!

So, if we want to know the probability of drawing an odd heart, that would be 0.50 (the probability that a card is an odd number) x 0.25 (the probability that a card is a heart, one in four) = 0.125 or 12.5%....

OK, let's assume that 50% of the population are male. And they range in age from 0 to 72. That means that only 21/72, or 29%, are within ten years of my age. Then assume that 35% are married, and 5% are gay.

That means out of all males in the World, only 17.4% (29% x 60%) are eligible bachelors. Only 3.75% of THOSE live in the United States. Certainly there are probably at least 2% (a conservative estimate) that have some severe emotional baggage, like recent horrible divorces, abusive childhoods, drug or alcohol addictions, psychoses, etc... 

That leaves 0.64% as eligible for dating. In other words, 6 or 7 in 1,000 men. If I am literally one in a million (and if you know me you know that is also a conservative estimate!!!), I'm going to need to date about 156 MILLION men to find the one that is right for me.

Seeing as there ARE NOT 156 million single men in the U.S. I'd better get busy. I believe I need a passport, and pronto!

Not only that, but by country the largest percentage of people are in China.  I think it might be a little difficult, to find a marriageable man in China.  What with the language difficulty and the fact that, as an American our culture is so much less advanced.  But STATISTICALLY speaking, this is where I really ought to start.

Even if it didn't work out, oh, think of the fun I would have, all the new foods I could blog about…  Hey, wait a minute!  I'm already married!  And to a man from a country with a smaller population than that of Michigan!  OK, so, never mind.

But maybe this will put someone else's mind at ease.

*  To make matters worse, the probability of this OR that happening is addition, and in general mathematics there really is no operation to cover an OR.  It's more of a logical construct, like time.  But that, my friends, would be an entirely different blog!

What's REALLY in My Food?

Caution:  What I'm about to talk about is going to be really unsavory, and may well turn your stomach.  YES, it's about the food we eat, so if you are really squeamish and prefer NOT to know….  Go visit another one of my posts, please.

I like to joke about the amount of processed food we eat, by saying there is a Racoon Rule.  If you can't scrub it in water like a raccoon would do before HE ate it, then you shouldn't be eating it.

The rule doesn't apply to things that you make from scratch at home -- like, say, if you bought a bunch of fresh veggies and then made a nice salsa to top off a nice grilled chicken breast.

The thing is, what about your breakfast cereal?  Your bread?  Anything in the snack aisle, dairy aisle, baking aisle, or most anything we put in our carts weekly, is not going to follow this rule.  It's an IDEAL, but it's going to be very tricky to go 100% with this very healthy suggestion.

WHY is this suggestion so healthy, you ask.  Well, here's where we're gonna get GROSS.

At Ohio University, they have estimated that in the US, we eat about one to two pounds of insects each year without knowing it.  Want to avoid getting some fly bits in your canned soup?  Wish you knew where to buy flour without any roach legs in it?  Well, sorry folks, but it's not going to happen.

Every level of PROCESSING our food goes through, between it's natural, live state and when we eat it, gives the opportunity to introduce contaminants.  Of course, if you had a garden and grew a head of lettuce, you would expect occasionally to find a fly, worm, or other insect living in your food.  And you could remove it before eating it, just as you would with that head of lettuce you buy at the grocery store.

Want to buy tortilla chips that don't have human hair in them, cook some pasta without mouse hair, or feed your kids a breakfast cereal that doesn't include rat feces?  Well, this also is never going to happen.  NEVER!  Want to buy fish that is natural, not farmed, and doesn't contain parasites?  TOO BAD!

The fact of the matter is, the way we raise, store, process and transport food these days lends itself to these problems.  You might think I'm exaggerating here, but you can look up the fact that, for almost any major processed food type, the FDA has set a legal limit on how much insect and rat "filth" is allowed to be in it.  ALLOWED!

If I buy an organic apple at the store or farmer's market, and proceed to make and can apple sauce, I can tell you without a doubt how much rat feces is in it.  And it's ZERO, as in 0ppm.  Because if a rat dared to show up in my house, I would scare it to death with my screams in a split second, and it would have NO WAY of getting anywhere near my cooking or canning activities!

If I buy a free-range organic chicken breast at the store, and prepare it, it too will have no rat poop, human hair, machinery-related mold, or insect bits in it, because I would wash it and then prepare it meticulously in my own kitchen.  It would never be stored in massive bins before going into my recipe, where a roach leg here or there might be overlooked.

I can even wash rice before I cook it, and depending on where you get your eggs, those come hermetically sealed and should be safe.

We are at the mercy of Big Food Machinery, however, when it comes to grains and dairy products.  No matter how careful they are with your milk, it's going to contain SOMETHING.  And wheat flour?  PUH-LEASE!  Can you say Major Mouse Attractor?  Oats are surely no better.  How many grains do you buy in their whole, natural state, that you can wash for yourself before preparing?

Mmmmmhmmmmmmm….

It gives me pause though to wonder:  Is it unsafe to eat a human hair?  A small amount of rat feces?  A roach leg?  And really, when you think of the processing before and after your purchase, the most likely answer is NO.  This doesn't mean you don't want to minimize it, though!

Personally, I am very allergic to many types of molds, so these are the things I would concentrate on.  Poop, however, is still poop, no matter how it's prepared.  And I don't want to eat it!

Does this mean I don't buy and eat the things that I know are going to contain such contaminants?  Absolutely not.  A little sterilized roach leg hasn't killed me yet.  I barely even tasted it!  But does it mean I can't increase the number of "healthy" buys I make at the grocery store by 10, 20, or even 50%?  ABSOLUTELY.

So, next time you go to the store, stop for 1/10th of a second each time you put something in your cart and ask:  "Can I wash it like a raccoon?".  It will change the way you think about snacking, to be sure!

For more information, please visit  http://www.fda.gov/food/guidancecomplianceregulatoryinformation/guidancedocuments/sanitation/ucm056174.htm

Perfect Winter Root Vegetable Puree

2 medium potatoes
3 medium turnips
1 large rutabaga
1/4 cup water
4T butter, melted
1/2 cup half-and-half
salt and pepper to taste

Cut your rutabaga in 1/4s, and place skin-side down in a glass pan with your turnips and potatoes.  Put the water in the bottom of the pan, and bake in a 350 degree oven for about 45 minutes.  When these are all done, let them cool.  Once cool, remove skins.

Cut your peeled, cooked veggies into 1" cubes, and place in food processor or blender with your milk and butter.  Process until smooth and creamy.

If you don't serve them right away, it's best to transfer them back to an oven-safe dish and sprinkle with salt and pepper.  These can be reheated in a 300 degree oven for 30 minutes, just before serving OR you could microwave them for 3-4 minutes (not recommended, it's just possible).

Turkey Week Progression

(Note to Family, posted on refrigerator door, 8:00am, Tuesday before Thanksgiving)

Hi guys!  Just a reminder, we are hosting Thanksgiving, so PLEASE remember to put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher and generally keep the house tidy for me!  Thanks -- Mom

(Much larger Note to Family, posted on refrigerator door, 1:00pm, Tuesday before Thanksgiving)

It's me again, I have realized there are so many yummy things in the house now, so I decided to go ahead and mark the things I absolutely NEED to have for Thanksgiving dinner, with little sticky notes.  Feel free to snack on the chips and salsa, the humus, the oreos and the deli meats and cheeses i just picked up, when i realized just after lunch that we were out of milk AGAIN!  

Oh, and remember to keep it tidy, THANKS! -- Mom

Oh, and PS -- please don't feed the oreos to the dog, it makes him sick. 

(GIGANTIC Note to Family, posted on pantry door, 7:00pm, Tuesday before Thanksgiving)

OK guys, this really isn't funny anymore.  We went through a gallon of milk JUST THIS MORNING, someone has eaten the entire package of those fried onion things that go on the green bean casserole, my brie got used for grilled-cheese sandwiches and WHOEVER drank my tiny brandy bottle which was MEANT to go in a dessert, I WILL FIND YOU.  

Those sticky notes are there to tell you which foods NOT to eat.  HANDS OFF, or Mom is going to send you WALKING to the store to replace this stuff, FROM YOU ALLOWANCE!  

Not only that, but there is something I can't even identify, stuck to a bowl in the sink AND I AM NOT TOUCHING THIS!  If you take a bath, please remember to let the water out of the tub after.  It is not exactly tidy in here, and Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop are due to arrive tomorrow afternoon.  CLEAN UP YOUR ACT!  -- Mom

(Note to Family, sent via email, text, and SMS, 10:00am, Wednesday before Thanksgiving)

You all are driving me nuts!  I have had to go back to the grocery store SIX TIMES in the past two days because of you all, there are dirty towels in the hallway and someone's socks in the cushions of the sofa, not to mention a bunch of fried onion crumbs in there.  I had to make a special trip back to the liquor store to replace my brandy, and the dishwasher has been run twice today, alone.  It looks like someone was playing with my food coloring in the dog's water dish, and that macaroni was NOT for arts and crafts.  KNOCK IT OFF.  I'm about to go Medieval on you all!  -- Mom

(Note to Family, on poster board in the middle of the living room, 3:00pm, Wednesday before Thanksgiving)

Please enjoy your time visiting with Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop NEATLY and somewhere other than in the kitchen.  Mommy's sanity is hanging on by a thread here.  -- Mom

PS, Mom and Dad, I'm glad you are here, maybe we can catch up when I get back from Safeway?

(Note to Family, front door of house, 10:00am, Thanksgiving Day)

Thanksgiving is cancelled.  Mom-Mom and Mommy retreated to the spa with their mini bottles of brandy.  There is a menu for China House on the kitchen counter.  Happy Holidays you Hooligans, I'm OUT!  -- Mom

PAM-Tastic Shepherd's Pie

Ingredients:

1 pound each ground lamb and ground beef

1/2 pound carrots, diced and steamed

2 celery stalks, diced

1 large yellow onion, diced

3 large cloves garlic, minced

12 oz your favorite tomato sauce

4 large potatoes, peeled

2 cups water

1/2 cup milk

3T butter

1T beef broth concentrate
1T each parsley, thyme, and sage

1/2 tsp Marmite (optional)

Black pepper to taste

Boil your potatoes until done, about 15 minutes, then drain and mash them with 2T butter* and your milk.  Set aside.

Cook your beef and lamb, until no longer pink.  Drain any liquid fat at the bottom of the pan.  Set aside.

In a saucepan, brown your onions and garlic in the remaining 1T butter.   Add all remaining ingredients, and simmer on medium heat for 15 minutes, until thickened.  Add this to your meat mixture.

Transfer your meat mixture to an oven-safe dish.  Top with mashed potatoes.  Bake in a 375 degree oven for 40 minutes, or until bubbly and the top of the potatoes has browned.

*  Note that most recipes call for an entire stick of butter in your potatoes.  I tend to reduce this to save on fat and calories, but it sure makes a yummy topping!  Also, since all the ingredients are cooked before they go into the oven, you could choose to just brown the entire dish under the broiler, then serve.

Another note would be, you can easily substitute 4 cups prepared TVP or crumbled tempeh for the meat, add a few cooked turnips to the mix, ditch the beef broth concentrate, and increase your Marmite to 1 tsp, for a lovely vegetarian shepherd's pie.

Speaking in Tongues

We just spent two months in Sweden this year, which gave me some time to practice speaking the language.  Or so I thought.  Armed with one unit of Swedish Part One under my belt, courtesy of Rosetta Stone and my thoughtful father, I set out to conquer the new language.

The thing I didn't count on is this:  Almost everyone in Sweden speaks English.  Quite well, in many cases.  My good friend in Södermalm speaks so well, you can't even detect where her very slight accent might be from. 

And every time someone caught a whiff (what is a whiff in the ear, anyway???) of my American accent, they would immediately unleash their (far superior) English on me.  Even our 7-year-old found it easier to converse with me in English.  Leaving me to practice my Swedish on our 4-year-old.

Because of this, my grown-up (vuxen) Swedish is not so great.  I can say things like "I am a purple butterfly princess," "I need to go potty NOW," or "Fish can't drive cars," while I have difficulty asking someone where the escalator is or understanding what I am told if I ask the price of those blackberries.

I have in fact found that it is quite fun to make these random comments to grown-up Swedes, upon first meeting.  But then I'm sort of lost, leading them rightly to conclude that Americans are pretty much daft.  Oh, if only they knew about Christine O'Donnell (most of them do).

And even the 4-year-old got frustrated with me.  Right in the middle of playing something like Littlest Pet Shop (I have a remarkable command of animal names and colors!), she would decide to inform me of something much more profound and interesting.  WHOOSH!  Right over my head!

My standard reply, in Swedish of course, was at first "I don't speak Swedish so well,".  But she got wise to me quickly, and would point out that I just said THAT in Swedish.  So I learned to say "I don't know," a very dangerous thing to learn since you can use it, just like "I don't speak Swedish so well,", for just about any situation where you are in over your head.  While playing Littlest Pet Shop.  With a 4-year-old.

I have found that I can play a mean game of I Spy in Swedish.  We would all walk around "spying" things that were blue, red, orange, yellow, white (did I mention my excellent command of the colors in Swedish?), black, brown, purple, gold and even turquoise.  But I quickly learned that I can only point out the things for which I already know the Swedish name, and the kids whomped up on my in I spy.

Oddly enough, we had a lovely argument that nearly came to blows, over whether turquoise was in fact blue or green.  I mostly observed and blocked punches.  Mostly.  Then in my broken Swedish, I tried to explain that people have had that same argument through the years, and you just have to agree to disagree.

I learned a lot about ducks, water, and swimming in Vaxholm harbor, the day our 7-year-old got tired of just feeding the ducks.  She jumped in to swim with them (accidentally she claims).  After this incident, one would think I was also very familiar with the words for "heart attack" and "duck poop".  But strangely, the only one of those two I can say…  Well, it ISN'T heart attack.

Another odd consequence of trying to learn to speak Swedish was that my latent German from age 2, seemed to pop up at the most annoying times.  I would remember to ask if the 4-year-old could have some apple juice, just not in the appropriate language.

And even better, my "default" language when I switch out of English is Spanish.  So if I got really excited and wanted to say something really fast and witty, it came out in Español instead of Svenska.  In the words of a former student, "NOT helpful!".

Needless to say, we are back in the US and my ability to practice speaking is pretty much limited to talking with my husband.  Who, like a true and educated Swede, tends to respond in English.

And after a full year, I am quite unprepared to take on Rosetta Stone Swedish Level Two…  In part because my lila fjäril prinsessa was quite fond of wearing my headphones as a part of one costume or another.  To her, they seem to look a lot like ladybug antennae.

This language is going to be much harder than I first thought!

A Very IMPORTANT Post About BEEF!

This special post goes out to all my guy friends out there.  I had posted it before, but the title apparently turned a lot of people off.  I still feel this is an important post to read -- you might want to change how you buy your beef!

Wanna have some fun, grow yourself a spongy upper body, gain weight, decrease your sex drive and sperm count, all while increasing your chances of testicular and prostate cancer?

Like many, you probably are on the edge of your seat (ouch?) wanting to find out how you, too, can join in this International craze!  Well, I have some answers for you here!

First off, EAT THAT GIANT CHEESEBURGER!  Be sure not to skip the bun, OR te friend fries!  Luckily, my vegetarian male friends are not exempt from this tip…  Unfermented soy products are just as likely to contain xenoestrogens as our usual corn-fed beef.  So, your veggie burger may be lower in fat, cholesterol, and calories, but it still packs a punch where hormones are concerned.

And potatoes used in restaurants are extremely unlikely to be organically grown, ensuring a high level of pesticides that also enable estrogen-production in men.  You'll be taking those E.D. ads more seriously in no time at all!

Add to this, the fact that cattle corn is treated with many pesticides, and beef are regularly given estrogen implants to increase their weight without increasing their food consumption, and you have a Estrogen Extravaganza!  Even better, a lot of the time the estrogen implants aren't actually taken out before slaughter, as the FDA says they should.  BONUS!  

The fun, though, isn't limited to the guys.  LADIES!  Want to increase your chances of breast cancer?  Join your mate in this feeding frenzy!  The weight you will both gain only adds to the fun, as being overweight can increase the chances of literally DOZENS of different cancers, as well as heart disease, the #1 killer of women in the US.

Want to have this sort of fun WITHOUT the burger and fries?  You all are still in luck!  The BPA's contained in some plastic containers and bottles are xenoestrogens, as is the lining found inside the cans of canned tomato products.  Especially great about the tomatoes -- they are acidic and actually increase the rate at which the BPAs are consumed, thus nullifying any gains from consuming that pesky lycopene!

So grab yourself some (unfermented) soy milk, put it in a plastic bottle, then heat it up in there.  And drink this lovely concoction as you eat tomatoes right out of the can.  It has been suggested that consuming 100g of unfermented soy protein, is equivalent to taking a birth control pill.  And a diet high in soy can block absorption of calcium, magnesium, and zinc -- the Joy of Soy!

You can even add in some apples.  Apples, to maintain their distinct breeds and flavors, have to be protected against cross-pollination.  This means they are more frequently sprayed with pesticides, than many other produce.  YUM!  Add to that, that we generally eat the skins, and oh boy!  Apple pie for dessert never sounded quite so good.

UNLESS, of course, you are talking about topping that apple pie with some lovely whipped cream, or having it a-la-mode.  Dairy products are not at all immune to this estrogen craze, and in fact can be worse (OOPS!  I meant BETTER!) even than eating beef.  If only you could find yourself some nice ice cream frozen in a BPA-containing plastic, errr, container, well, folks, the fun may never end.

Pesticide fun is not limited to apples and potatoes, no  no!  In fact, seemingly healthy foods such as blueberries and spinach have been making the Dirty Dozen list now.  Of course, you want to avoid buying those "safer" foods such as avocado, cabbage, grapefruit and sweet potatoes, if you can.  These aren't going to help you develop cancer OR grow anything to put in a bra.

Oh, and try to make a white-bread sandwich with as much of these recommended foods as you can!  Wheat can not only block the absorption of medications, nutrients, and healthy isoflavones, but is also believed to contribute to breast cancer, endometriosis, uterine fibroids, and infertility (yes, guys, this is why you, too, need your refined wheat products)!

I am providing some links below for a little light, entertaining reading about these topics.  I hope you have lots of fun with this, and I look forward to shopping at Victoria's Secret with my guy friends soon.  Of course, will probably necessitate a buying out of Victor's Secret (Google THAT!), and the National Cattlemen's Association is sure to sponsor some lovely coupons for you all when this finally occurs!

http://static.foodnews.org/pdf/EWG-shoppers-guide.pdf

www.cdc.gov/des/consumers/about

http://hubpages.com/hub/Reducing-Exposure-to-Xenoestrogens

http://www.dietaryfiberfood.com/lignan.php