For instance, if I say I CAN go out and drink 10 shots of tequila then get in my car and drive home... Well, then I MAY or I MAY NOT. That is, I have made this a question of conscious choice. If I say I CAN, that doesn't mean I HAVE TO, or even that I will.
If I say I CAN go out and buy a gun and rob a bank... Well, then I may, or I may not do this. But if I really convince myself that I CAN, I have now made this a matter of conscious choice. It doesn't mean I have to just because I CAN, or even that I will.
One of the greatest things about adulthood is (or at least SHOULD be) that we can choose not to act on every idea that pops into our heads. This doesn't mean that, at times, really silly or even dangerous ideas may pop into our heads. It just means we have the ability to exercise judgment.
The thing here, with saying I CAN, is clearly that you need to be careful about what you say you CAN do. Just as we can all choose to drive drunk or rob banks or steal people, we CAN in fact choose our thoughts.
This is both a scary and liberating idea. How many times have you had some problem, some troubles on your mind, that made you upset or angry, or both -- and you just couldn't stop mulling over these problems and negative thoughts? The scary part is, we have all CHOSEN to do this! The liberating part, of course, is we can choose NOT to do this in the future.
If I say I CAN'T go into that job interview and convince them I'm the right person for the job, on the other hand... Well, now you're in trouble because you in fact CAN NOT, and WILL NOT. If you have convinced yourself that you CAN NOT, then don't even waste your time trying.
If I say that I CAN'T go to the gym three times a week, work out and become healthier, I don't have the self-discipline for that, it will never work for me... Well, now you in fact CAN NOT, and WILL NOT. And believe me, you won't even waste your time trying.
Now, there are things that you CAN NOT do. We can't defy gravity by the sheer force of our wills. We can't walk unaided on water. We can't swim the Pacific without pause. And if you try to convince yourself that you CAN in fact do something that is physically impossible... Well, then we have a whole different set of issues to worry about.
The thing is, with the exception of following the general laws of Physics -- there really isn't too much else we CAN NOT do!
Now, I may say I CAN go in there and get that job. Just because I said I can, doesn't mean I WILL. But it means it is still possible. I haven't made it IMPOSSIBLE with my thoughts. If I say I CAN go to the gym, and at least give it my best shot, then that doesn't mean I WILL. But I haven't ruled out the possibility.
And the best part here is, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE YOUR MIND AT ANY TIME! So often we forget that we do, in fact, have control of our thoughts. And that we need to make a conscious decision to exercise that control. Yes, again with the exercise! Because like anything else, if you let the part of your mind that can keep control of your own thoughts go, it will take more work and practice to get that power back.
Just like an athlete who doesn't train in the off-season, controlling your thoughts takes planning and practice. The point here is to think about your thoughts (this is called metacognition, for those who love a good new word), and to replace the ones that are holding us back, with ones that liberate us to take advantage of all the possibilities.
If I tell myself, one day I'm going to find a way to walk on water... And then I set about studying the problem and eliminating all the barriers that keep this from being possible -- then one day, I may or may not find a way. But then again, even if it is not me who accomplishes this, I might well inspire someone else to find a way.
The minute I throw up my hands, though, and say "This truly IS NOT POSSIBLE" is the day that I stop overcoming obstacles, and the day I become self-limiting in the pursuit of my goal.
So, if you have ever had the thought that you can't go back to school, lose weight, have a healthy marriage, get that dream job, or anything similar... Just STOP! Stop and THINK! Are you trying here to violate the laws of Physics? Or are you just caving in the the temptation to give up, and to stop eliminating the obstacles (though they may be many) in your way?
If you have ever thought that you could never forgive someone their trespasses, learn to dance, or really experience joy in your life every day... JUST STOP AND THINK! What exactly are the things in between you and peace, self-expression, and joy? And what is the first one to eliminate? How about the negative thought itself? With that out of the way, at least then you CAN begin to formulate a plan to overcome anything else holding you back.
This isn't to say that, just because we want something and think we CAN achieve it... It will happen for us right away. On the contrary -- anything worth having, achieving, or BEING is going to take some effort. But when you choose to say I CAN, that is where possibilities begin.
You can't control someone else -- their thoughts, their actions, or their attitude. You can't control Physics, the weather, genetics, or even who your neighbors are. But you CAN control what you choose to think about them, ALL OF THEM, and you can control YOUR thoughts, actions, and attitudes.
When you get right down to it, probably the easiest thing in the World to change, is your own mind. So, what's holding you back?
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