Saturday, November 24, 2012
In Memoriam...
I can't help myself, I feel compelled to share this with the World: Today, we lost a truly Great Man. I know he was not known or renowned Worldwide, but he SHOULD be! So I am posting this in the hopes that many will read this and take heed of what I say.
George L. Barton IV passed away today. He was a real friend and mentor to both me and my daughter.
"Barty" or "Grandpa" to many of us who knew him, had a wicked sharp tongue and an equally sharp sense of humor. He too NO CRAP from anyone. He never, EVER minced words. And he was one of the kindest and most giving people anyone could have hoped to know.
I got to know "Grandpa" George at work at a most amazing place, Park View High School in Sterling VA. He was a distinguished teacher of English there, as well as at Northern Virginia Community College.
When I had a personal or professional dilemma, Mr. Barton was one person I could always go to. When he didn't have some very useful advice (which was pretty much never!), he would be one to commiserate and empathize.
He taught me that you can be nice and still not be taken advantage of.
To his students, the word INSPIRATIONAL would pretty much sum him up. He put up with nothing short of your best effort. And he worked with you until you had truly achieved it. He taught his "kids" to work hard and to take pride in giving your all. He helped so many to turn their lives around, both academically and personally.
To his co-workers he was a LIVING LEGEND. He could say what we could not -- and had the courage to do so. He busted his backside to get the job done right, too. And the effect he had on those he taught, was entirely positive and life-long. Life-CHANGING in many cases.
He was also a veteran of the United States Army, who would share with you the painful story of lost friends and the devastation of War. Through his Service to Country, he learned that there are wonderful people the World over, and you have to give each and every one their fair chance.
Throughout his life, George Barton fought to give everyone he met a fair chance. And he was not afraid to be honest and vulnerable, either. His telling of his war stories was a way of reminding us all how precious life is, and how important it is to make every moment count.
It is terribly hard for me to say (write) this with these tears still in my eyes, BUT: DO NOT BE SAD AT HIS PASSING! Instead, be happy that he ever WAS. And be even happier if you were lucky enough to KNOW him!
I personally count this man as one of my HEROES, and the things I have learned from him are as important as any teachings of the religious or philosophical greats.
The best way to honor this man, who was a true HERO in so many respects, a bona-fide role model, an amazing friend, a proud and caring father, and an inspiration to anyone who met him... Would be to do as he did.
This means that, if you knew him (or someone like him, or even aspire to know someone like him!!!!) you should:
#1 -- Give, and give, and then give of yourself some more. The legacy you leave by doing this will be 1000's of times greater than the sum of your actions. The ability to touch others in a positive way is the best achievement anyone can hope for. Ask ANYONE who knew him and they will tell you that his spirit will live on well past his years, in everything they do and every life THEY touch!
#2 -- Get off your ASS and do something! Life is not meant to be spent in quiet reflection, home alone. This great man was out teaching in two places, out with his students, friends and family on his boat, at the shooting range, or at IHOP, playing with his grandchildren, ans talking to or sending messages to present and former students. I can't tell you how many people have said "But he just called/texted/emailed me yesterday..." on learning of his passing today. He was more alive than anyone I knew. I am in awe of him still.
And,
#3 -- Don't take any CRAP from anyone. You can do this in the nicest possible way. I remember GB telling someone they were ACTING LIKE a dumbass. Not that they WERE A DUMBASS, oh no. Because he didn't spend time with anyone truly stupid. He just wouldn't put up with anyone who wasn't at the top of their game. MAKE people work for your respect, because you DESERVE it. TELL someone if they are out of line, while fully expecting that they CAN and WILL live up to your expectations. People will surprise you with their ability to rise to a challenge. And if you don't challenge them, you deprive both of you from the benefits that are there to be reaped.
RIP George Barton. I love you like a member of my family. You have given so much to so many, and your legacy is HUGE. You have made the World a better place, and the fruits of your labor will live for many, many generations. I aspire to have ONE IOTA of the type of strength and honesty and integrity you exhibited in your lifetime.
Our grieving for you is purely selfish, that we here on Earth have been deprived of your company from now on.
I hope to overcome that selfishness and be the type of person you always challenged me to be.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Meat-Free Lettuce Wraps!
Ingredients:
1lb Tempeh
1/2 medium yellow onion, minced
a dash of each of sea salt & pepper
3 large cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup shredded carrot
1/4 cup fresh ginger, peeled & minced or shredded
2 Tablespoons sesame oil
3 Tablespoons Tamari soy sauce
2 Tablespoon each water and rice vinegar
3 Tablespoon natural peanut butter
3 Tablespoons plum sauce
1 Tablespoon dried red chile flakes
6 green onions, chopped
8oz can sliced water chestnuts, drained & chopped
1/4 cup peanuts, chopped (alternately you can use 1/4 cup toasted sesame seeds)
10-12 large butter lettuce leaves, rinsed and patted dry
Directions:
Heat a large, non-stick skillet on high. Add 1 TBSP sesame oil, Tempeh, onion, garlic, salt & pepper, and carrot… Cook until onion is translucent, stirring often to break up the Tempeh. Add in ginger, and continue cooking 2-3 minutes.
Meanwhile, in a microwave safe bowl, combine remaining sesame oil, soy sauce, water, peanut butter, rice vinegar, plum sauce, and chili flakes. Microwave for 20-30 seconds, then stir until smooth. Add into the skillet and stir to combine.
Add green onion and water chestnuts into the skillet then cook for 2-3 minutes until the green onions are soft and the water chestnuts are heated through.
Sprinkle with chopped peanuts, and serve with the cold lettuce leaves, to wrap filling in.
Aunt Wendy's Dippy Sauce
Get yourself some pretty glass bottles somewhere like at Michaels (craft store). The bigger, the better. I favor the ones that DON'T have corks, because cork degrades... Try for the ones with the beer-style flip-open tops!
Next you wash up some fresh lemons and grate the tiniest bit off the outside (so the flavor is better) and cut them into slices so thin you can see through them. ROLL the slices to fit them into one bottle.
When your bottle is good and packed, pour your favorite olive oil over the lemon slices.
Next for the vinegar, get some fresh tarragon (and/or oregano and/or basil) and stuff the prettiest bits in your second bottle. Top off with half balsamic and half red wine vinegar.
It takes about a week for the flavors to really infuse -- but once they DO, you can pour the two over a salad and just add a touch of salt & pepper, and it's YUMMY!!!
Not to mention, when the oil is gone, re-use the lemons (but just once)!!!
My favorite part is this -- If you put a bottle of each in a pretty basket, you now have a lovely home-made house-warming or holiday gift for someone. Believe me, they WILL like it!
The name for this recipe comes from the fact that my Aunt Wen REQUIRES this as her Christmas present... And THEN she won't put it on a salad, no... She pours a little from each bottle onto a plate, and scoops it up on bread. She says this way, you get to savor it better -- LOL! DIPPY SAUCE!
Friday, June 15, 2012
NEVER Buy Microwave Popcorn!!!
Well, it has been said that the chemicals in the bags and flavorings of microwave popcorn are everything from gross to vaccine-negating to cancer-causing (try Googling perfluorooctanoic acid). I am sure almost all of us would like to cut chemicals OUT of our diets where possible...
And I am here to tell you how to do this with one of my all-time favorite snacks... AND save you money in the process!
Popcorn is naturally high in anti-oxidants, low in calories, low in fat, contains fiber, and is gluten-free and vegan. But as with many "convenience" foods that we now consider to be staples in our lives, the over-thinking and over-processing of popping corn has rendered it unfit to eat.
Well, rest easy now. Because all you need is a plain brown paper lunch-type bag and a half cup of minimally-processed popping corn, and you are on your way to eating healthier at a low cost, without sacrificing convenience!
Take your lunch bag and fill it with about a half cup of popping corn. Fold it over three times, and place on it's side in the microwave. "Nuke" this for ABOUT three minutes -- we all know microwave cooking times vary, so stay close and listen until you get the hang of this -- and enjoy!
Of course, you can still add salt and/or butter and/or hot sauce and/or your favorite toppings that will make this a less ideal but more delicious snack... My favorite is still to add a Tablespoon of melted organic butter (but a sprinkle of sea salt or parmesan is nice, too)... BUT skip the carcinogens and make a batch of popcorn for about 80% less cost than you are used to!
And I am here to tell you how to do this with one of my all-time favorite snacks... AND save you money in the process!
Popcorn is naturally high in anti-oxidants, low in calories, low in fat, contains fiber, and is gluten-free and vegan. But as with many "convenience" foods that we now consider to be staples in our lives, the over-thinking and over-processing of popping corn has rendered it unfit to eat.
Well, rest easy now. Because all you need is a plain brown paper lunch-type bag and a half cup of minimally-processed popping corn, and you are on your way to eating healthier at a low cost, without sacrificing convenience!
Take your lunch bag and fill it with about a half cup of popping corn. Fold it over three times, and place on it's side in the microwave. "Nuke" this for ABOUT three minutes -- we all know microwave cooking times vary, so stay close and listen until you get the hang of this -- and enjoy!
Of course, you can still add salt and/or butter and/or hot sauce and/or your favorite toppings that will make this a less ideal but more delicious snack... My favorite is still to add a Tablespoon of melted organic butter (but a sprinkle of sea salt or parmesan is nice, too)... BUT skip the carcinogens and make a batch of popcorn for about 80% less cost than you are used to!
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Where HAVE I Been???
Well, I've been away from the blog for quite a long time now... But summer's here and the time is right for dancing in the street... Or something like that! I decided to ease back into the blogosphere by gifting you with a new recipe. This one is low-fat, high in both protein and fiber, is both vegan and gluten-free. As an added bonus, it is easily adapted to campfire cooking!
Hearty Savoury Lentils with Wild Rice
Add 2 cups lentils and 1/2 cup wild rice to a pan. Cover with 6 cups boiling water. Add 2 heaping TBSP Marmite or Vegemite, a palm-full of dried parsley, and if you can find it, a few pinches of summer savory. Simmer on medium-low heat for the next 25 minutes, with a loose lid, during which you can caramelize an onion.
My favorite method of this is to finely chop one medium-large yellow onion. Add it to a pan with 2 TBSP veggie oil (butter if you aren't vegan), and then cook on low heat, stirring only twice, over a period of about 20 minutes. After everything is nice and brown, I like to add a few drops of lemon or lime juice... It helps with that lovely caramel taste. Once your onion is done, set it aside for a while...
Next, add a large handful of long-grain brown or jasmine rice to your lentil mixture. Stir thoroughly. Now you have 20 more minutes to simmer with your lid on again loosely (or preferably the lid to your pot on).
When your lentils and rice are nice and cooked, add first some salt and pepper to taste -- followed by a TBSP of cornstarch. Stir vigorously to make sure the mixture thickens without lumps. When it is all thickened, add your onion and serve!
VARIATIONS:
To make a nice lentil stew, increase the water to 8 cups and the Marmite to 4 TBSP. Add chopped carrots, potatoes, and celery when adding the second part of the rice, after the first 25 minutes of cooking. These are the only changes for a nice fall stew.
Also, to take this recipe camping with you... Combine your wild rice, lentils, parsley, summer savory, some salt and pepper, 2 TBSP onion powder and 1 TBSP garlic powder, in a baggie. Put a scant 1/2 cup of jasmine rice in another baggie with your cornstarch. The Marmite is so small, there is no worry in packing it along. Cook in the same 2-step process as before, only over a fire.
If you really aren't concerned with going vegan, you can use the butter to caramelize the onions, and this recipe is actually REALLY NICE made as a stew with some added cubed goat or lamb. I would favor goat, really, as this is quite a hearty dish. Just be sure you add your goat at the very beginning, as you want it to simmer for a long time with the lentils and wild rice.
ENJOY!!!
Hearty Savoury Lentils with Wild Rice
Add 2 cups lentils and 1/2 cup wild rice to a pan. Cover with 6 cups boiling water. Add 2 heaping TBSP Marmite or Vegemite, a palm-full of dried parsley, and if you can find it, a few pinches of summer savory. Simmer on medium-low heat for the next 25 minutes, with a loose lid, during which you can caramelize an onion.
My favorite method of this is to finely chop one medium-large yellow onion. Add it to a pan with 2 TBSP veggie oil (butter if you aren't vegan), and then cook on low heat, stirring only twice, over a period of about 20 minutes. After everything is nice and brown, I like to add a few drops of lemon or lime juice... It helps with that lovely caramel taste. Once your onion is done, set it aside for a while...
Next, add a large handful of long-grain brown or jasmine rice to your lentil mixture. Stir thoroughly. Now you have 20 more minutes to simmer with your lid on again loosely (or preferably the lid to your pot on).
When your lentils and rice are nice and cooked, add first some salt and pepper to taste -- followed by a TBSP of cornstarch. Stir vigorously to make sure the mixture thickens without lumps. When it is all thickened, add your onion and serve!
VARIATIONS:
To make a nice lentil stew, increase the water to 8 cups and the Marmite to 4 TBSP. Add chopped carrots, potatoes, and celery when adding the second part of the rice, after the first 25 minutes of cooking. These are the only changes for a nice fall stew.
Also, to take this recipe camping with you... Combine your wild rice, lentils, parsley, summer savory, some salt and pepper, 2 TBSP onion powder and 1 TBSP garlic powder, in a baggie. Put a scant 1/2 cup of jasmine rice in another baggie with your cornstarch. The Marmite is so small, there is no worry in packing it along. Cook in the same 2-step process as before, only over a fire.
If you really aren't concerned with going vegan, you can use the butter to caramelize the onions, and this recipe is actually REALLY NICE made as a stew with some added cubed goat or lamb. I would favor goat, really, as this is quite a hearty dish. Just be sure you add your goat at the very beginning, as you want it to simmer for a long time with the lentils and wild rice.
ENJOY!!!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Moan, moan, moan...
You know, there is only so far one can fall into the depths of despair and not feel a little silly. Many people who know me very well, would say I've had a bit of a rough year. So many personal mishaps and dramas on so many levels. Friends have said I am strong, I will get through this tough time. People close to me say I am reacting naturally to a series of terrible situations.
Then again, I have had the great good fortune to be born into a country that is amongst the strongest, richest, and freest in the World. I can't say I haven't gone a full day hungry. I could well argue that there have been times when I didn't know how or even if I would be able to buy groceries next week, or keep the electricity on next month. These things have happened.
But I have NEVER been without a place to go, to have a meal or a shower or even nice, cool air conditioning, when things got rough.
I have never known the fear of wondering if I would wake up the next morning, because my living situation was so precarious that I could be killed at any time -- by a criminal, a terrorist, or some government agent unhappy with something I have done or said.
I was born with all my limbs intact and functional. They remain so to this day.
In fact, I was able to receive a first-rate education. I was even lucky enough to have a family that impressed upon me the importance and significance of this.
I have no known terminal diseases. And I even have access to healthcare, should I ever need it.
I have been vaccinated. I am regularly nourished. I am safe. I am sane. Well, mostly. And I have friends and family who are similarly blessed, and do not take it for granted.
The fact that I have a job and a car, I need to remind myself, are the icing on the very lovely albeit delicate confection that is the charmed life I have thus far lead.
The fact that I am free is a blessing bestowed upon me at great cost to many.
When you get right down to it, I have no reason to feel dejected, disheartened, or depressed at any time. If one lives in a safe and free World, has their health and family... Then any other problem we could be faced with, is somewhat artificial.
Not to say that we don't all feel the pain of loss at times. Not to say that it isn't very real, to lose someone close to you. But how many times have we, in the Free and Industrialized World, honestly have had to come to grips with a loss that was unjust and untimely? Can we not imagine the people living under this threat daily? Can we not see all we DO have?
I rebuke myself. It is, in fact, a wonderful life.
Then again, I have had the great good fortune to be born into a country that is amongst the strongest, richest, and freest in the World. I can't say I haven't gone a full day hungry. I could well argue that there have been times when I didn't know how or even if I would be able to buy groceries next week, or keep the electricity on next month. These things have happened.
But I have NEVER been without a place to go, to have a meal or a shower or even nice, cool air conditioning, when things got rough.
I have never known the fear of wondering if I would wake up the next morning, because my living situation was so precarious that I could be killed at any time -- by a criminal, a terrorist, or some government agent unhappy with something I have done or said.
I was born with all my limbs intact and functional. They remain so to this day.
In fact, I was able to receive a first-rate education. I was even lucky enough to have a family that impressed upon me the importance and significance of this.
I have no known terminal diseases. And I even have access to healthcare, should I ever need it.
I have been vaccinated. I am regularly nourished. I am safe. I am sane. Well, mostly. And I have friends and family who are similarly blessed, and do not take it for granted.
The fact that I have a job and a car, I need to remind myself, are the icing on the very lovely albeit delicate confection that is the charmed life I have thus far lead.
The fact that I am free is a blessing bestowed upon me at great cost to many.
When you get right down to it, I have no reason to feel dejected, disheartened, or depressed at any time. If one lives in a safe and free World, has their health and family... Then any other problem we could be faced with, is somewhat artificial.
Not to say that we don't all feel the pain of loss at times. Not to say that it isn't very real, to lose someone close to you. But how many times have we, in the Free and Industrialized World, honestly have had to come to grips with a loss that was unjust and untimely? Can we not imagine the people living under this threat daily? Can we not see all we DO have?
I rebuke myself. It is, in fact, a wonderful life.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Silly Questions!
Someone asked me a really silly question the other day. Now, I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything. But I guess people tend to think of me as pretty smart. And so, when you are pretty smart and have some college degrees and even some varied job experience, I suppose people wonder why you would want to make $12 an hour, working with little kids who spit up on you.
Basically, I was asked, hey, if you are so smart, why are you so POOR?
And you know, that question sort of answers itself, doesn't it?
I've had engineering jobs and I've had management jobs and I made more than the "national average" from a very young age. And you know what? It didn't make me any happier. I used to play that "get ahead" game, but the problem with that is, what IS it we are all actually trying to get ahead OF?
Most people would argue that it's the bills we want to get ahead of. But really, who MADE the bills? I would argue that, if you are trying to "get ahead", the only thing you are going to get ahead of is yourself.
You get a promotion, and a raise with it, and pretty soon, you can cover the bills fine for a few months. But then you decide that you need to replace that 10-year-old car that runs fine, because SOME day it is going to break down, and darn it, you work HARD, you deserve that new car. Then you start thinking you haven't been out to dinner vey much recently, and there is a cool new cell phone you want... Or maybe it's that you want your kids in private school, but it's always SOMETHING.
So you work even harder for that next promotion, and raise, and pretty soon you have it and you're working 60+ hours a week, you're all stressed out about the NEXT step, and you have completely forgotten, in the mean time, to LIVE YOUR LIFE.
You get caught up in watching the trees whizzing past you a mile a minute, on the highway of life. And you not only can't see the destination, but you miss all the nice stuff on the way.
No, sir, that life is not for me.
I don't need a 2000-square-foot house, a new car, fancy shoes or even high-speed internet. That isn't what makes me happy. And if I were to walk down the street in my town and have everyone look, and say "There goes that rich chick," that wouldn't be what makes me happy, either.
And when I get to the end of my life, is someone going to think: Hey, she earned lots of dollars, and boought lots of things, in her lifetime -- she was a worthy person??? Is that how it's going to go?
I surely hope not!
What I really enjoy, is being around kids. I love it when an 11-month old gives me a huge belly laugh, or a 7-month old tries to hold his own bottle for the first time. I love it when a 14-year-old suddenly says "Oh, I GET it!" about a math problem. It's a blast when your 15-year-old takes the car out for the first time with their Learner's Permit. I love to see an 8-year-old move up to cover first base, or an 11-year-old learn to spike the ball.
These are the things I have the best memories of, in the past decade or so.
Would I trade millions of dollars earned, a nicer car, a bigger home, FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE, to have these things in my life every day?
Not only would I, I would in a heartbeat. And in fact, I already HAVE.
I'm never going to amass a fortune, and I'm never going to "get ahead". I will always struggle to pay my bills. Retirement is going to be a hot mess. I OUGHT to be worried. VERY worried.
But one day I will look back and think, I helped 100's of kids to appreciate (or at least not fear) math. I helped oodles of kids have a true sense of accomplishment in learning a sport, and maybe, just maybe, some of them will lead a richer and healthier life for it. I have helped a bunch of babies on their way to things like walking and talking, and learning to share and to treat others with kindness.
It would be a little silly to think that, because I'm kinda smart, I was destined for some sort of "glory". It would be nice to win the lottery, but I know that isn't gonna happen. Really, though, who's to say this life of mine, ISN'T rather glorious?
So I have to answer a question with a question here: If YOU are so smart, why is it you keep running on the hamster wheel? Has it really helped you get where you are going? Or have you even thought about where it is you are going?
Basically, I was asked, hey, if you are so smart, why are you so POOR?
And you know, that question sort of answers itself, doesn't it?
I've had engineering jobs and I've had management jobs and I made more than the "national average" from a very young age. And you know what? It didn't make me any happier. I used to play that "get ahead" game, but the problem with that is, what IS it we are all actually trying to get ahead OF?
Most people would argue that it's the bills we want to get ahead of. But really, who MADE the bills? I would argue that, if you are trying to "get ahead", the only thing you are going to get ahead of is yourself.
You get a promotion, and a raise with it, and pretty soon, you can cover the bills fine for a few months. But then you decide that you need to replace that 10-year-old car that runs fine, because SOME day it is going to break down, and darn it, you work HARD, you deserve that new car. Then you start thinking you haven't been out to dinner vey much recently, and there is a cool new cell phone you want... Or maybe it's that you want your kids in private school, but it's always SOMETHING.
So you work even harder for that next promotion, and raise, and pretty soon you have it and you're working 60+ hours a week, you're all stressed out about the NEXT step, and you have completely forgotten, in the mean time, to LIVE YOUR LIFE.
You get caught up in watching the trees whizzing past you a mile a minute, on the highway of life. And you not only can't see the destination, but you miss all the nice stuff on the way.
No, sir, that life is not for me.
I don't need a 2000-square-foot house, a new car, fancy shoes or even high-speed internet. That isn't what makes me happy. And if I were to walk down the street in my town and have everyone look, and say "There goes that rich chick," that wouldn't be what makes me happy, either.
And when I get to the end of my life, is someone going to think: Hey, she earned lots of dollars, and boought lots of things, in her lifetime -- she was a worthy person??? Is that how it's going to go?
I surely hope not!
What I really enjoy, is being around kids. I love it when an 11-month old gives me a huge belly laugh, or a 7-month old tries to hold his own bottle for the first time. I love it when a 14-year-old suddenly says "Oh, I GET it!" about a math problem. It's a blast when your 15-year-old takes the car out for the first time with their Learner's Permit. I love to see an 8-year-old move up to cover first base, or an 11-year-old learn to spike the ball.
These are the things I have the best memories of, in the past decade or so.
Would I trade millions of dollars earned, a nicer car, a bigger home, FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE, to have these things in my life every day?
Not only would I, I would in a heartbeat. And in fact, I already HAVE.
I'm never going to amass a fortune, and I'm never going to "get ahead". I will always struggle to pay my bills. Retirement is going to be a hot mess. I OUGHT to be worried. VERY worried.
But one day I will look back and think, I helped 100's of kids to appreciate (or at least not fear) math. I helped oodles of kids have a true sense of accomplishment in learning a sport, and maybe, just maybe, some of them will lead a richer and healthier life for it. I have helped a bunch of babies on their way to things like walking and talking, and learning to share and to treat others with kindness.
It would be a little silly to think that, because I'm kinda smart, I was destined for some sort of "glory". It would be nice to win the lottery, but I know that isn't gonna happen. Really, though, who's to say this life of mine, ISN'T rather glorious?
So I have to answer a question with a question here: If YOU are so smart, why is it you keep running on the hamster wheel? Has it really helped you get where you are going? Or have you even thought about where it is you are going?
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Insidious or Something Else?
Once upon a time, my daughter was a 'tween. And there were times that a friend would call, that she didn't want to speak to. Or someone would invite her to something she didn't want to do. And she would say "Mom, tell them I'm not here..." or "Mom, tell them I'm not allowed to go...".
And I would patiently tell my daughter that she needed to learn to stand up for herself, or at the very least, make her own excuses.
Now, really, the kid's aim was to not have to hurt someone's feelings. Most of us find that quite a disagreeable thing. It's not like she was going to get on the phone and say "I'm tired of talking to you on the phone all the time," or "You know, I like you in small doses but a sleepover would just be too much for me...".
The thing is, we all DO tell little white lies. We do it mostly so we don't hurt someone's feelings. This salad is delicious. Your new haircut is terrific! You'll get that promotion next time. It's a valid social skill.
We all, also, have to take control of our likes and dislikes, and our schedule. We have to learn to say "NO" on occasion, firmly but nicely. Just think of the mess we would all be in if we REALLY COULDN'T SAY NO???
So I taught my daughter to do this for herself. Better, if someone was going to lie FOR her, that it BE her.
And while we learned this little coping mechanism, we tried to also learn how to be as honest as we could, in the process. We learned to say things like "I just don't feel like talking on the phone right now," and leaving out the "to you" part. Or we would respond with "I really had something else planned for that evening," and leave out the part about it being to wash the dog.
The point here being, that we also learned that if it's something really important, and not just a question of avoiding unnecessary hurt feelings, then we should do our best to tell it like it is.
Like when mom comes home from the grocery store to see you have 3 friends over, and one is puking her guts out... You say "Mom, I already called her mother, but she was drinking alcohol earlier and that's why she's so sick," instead of claiming stomach flu like your friend wanted you to say.
God forbid, that friend go home later and pass out cold and go into an alcohol-induced coma, and her mother think she's just sleeping off a flu. The odds are tiny, but the outcome is so important, you have to suck it up and say what you don't want to say.
My daughter knew this before she was a teenager. So, why is it that some adults, still don't know how to (a) tell a small but polite untruth, when it is appropriate, or (b) distinguish what is actually important, and do the RIGHT thing, even if it makes you uncomfortable?
How can it be, that there are grown adults walking around out there, who will tell you those jeans make you look fat, but then tell you there's nothing going on when the house is on fire? Can someone tell me; Is that stupidity, or something more insidious?
And I would patiently tell my daughter that she needed to learn to stand up for herself, or at the very least, make her own excuses.
Now, really, the kid's aim was to not have to hurt someone's feelings. Most of us find that quite a disagreeable thing. It's not like she was going to get on the phone and say "I'm tired of talking to you on the phone all the time," or "You know, I like you in small doses but a sleepover would just be too much for me...".
The thing is, we all DO tell little white lies. We do it mostly so we don't hurt someone's feelings. This salad is delicious. Your new haircut is terrific! You'll get that promotion next time. It's a valid social skill.
We all, also, have to take control of our likes and dislikes, and our schedule. We have to learn to say "NO" on occasion, firmly but nicely. Just think of the mess we would all be in if we REALLY COULDN'T SAY NO???
So I taught my daughter to do this for herself. Better, if someone was going to lie FOR her, that it BE her.
And while we learned this little coping mechanism, we tried to also learn how to be as honest as we could, in the process. We learned to say things like "I just don't feel like talking on the phone right now," and leaving out the "to you" part. Or we would respond with "I really had something else planned for that evening," and leave out the part about it being to wash the dog.
The point here being, that we also learned that if it's something really important, and not just a question of avoiding unnecessary hurt feelings, then we should do our best to tell it like it is.
Like when mom comes home from the grocery store to see you have 3 friends over, and one is puking her guts out... You say "Mom, I already called her mother, but she was drinking alcohol earlier and that's why she's so sick," instead of claiming stomach flu like your friend wanted you to say.
God forbid, that friend go home later and pass out cold and go into an alcohol-induced coma, and her mother think she's just sleeping off a flu. The odds are tiny, but the outcome is so important, you have to suck it up and say what you don't want to say.
My daughter knew this before she was a teenager. So, why is it that some adults, still don't know how to (a) tell a small but polite untruth, when it is appropriate, or (b) distinguish what is actually important, and do the RIGHT thing, even if it makes you uncomfortable?
How can it be, that there are grown adults walking around out there, who will tell you those jeans make you look fat, but then tell you there's nothing going on when the house is on fire? Can someone tell me; Is that stupidity, or something more insidious?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)