Saturday, July 30, 2011
Silly Questions!
Someone asked me a really silly question the other day. Now, I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything. But I guess people tend to think of me as pretty smart. And so, when you are pretty smart and have some college degrees and even some varied job experience, I suppose people wonder why you would want to make $12 an hour, working with little kids who spit up on you.
Basically, I was asked, hey, if you are so smart, why are you so POOR?
And you know, that question sort of answers itself, doesn't it?
I've had engineering jobs and I've had management jobs and I made more than the "national average" from a very young age. And you know what? It didn't make me any happier. I used to play that "get ahead" game, but the problem with that is, what IS it we are all actually trying to get ahead OF?
Most people would argue that it's the bills we want to get ahead of. But really, who MADE the bills? I would argue that, if you are trying to "get ahead", the only thing you are going to get ahead of is yourself.
You get a promotion, and a raise with it, and pretty soon, you can cover the bills fine for a few months. But then you decide that you need to replace that 10-year-old car that runs fine, because SOME day it is going to break down, and darn it, you work HARD, you deserve that new car. Then you start thinking you haven't been out to dinner vey much recently, and there is a cool new cell phone you want... Or maybe it's that you want your kids in private school, but it's always SOMETHING.
So you work even harder for that next promotion, and raise, and pretty soon you have it and you're working 60+ hours a week, you're all stressed out about the NEXT step, and you have completely forgotten, in the mean time, to LIVE YOUR LIFE.
You get caught up in watching the trees whizzing past you a mile a minute, on the highway of life. And you not only can't see the destination, but you miss all the nice stuff on the way.
No, sir, that life is not for me.
I don't need a 2000-square-foot house, a new car, fancy shoes or even high-speed internet. That isn't what makes me happy. And if I were to walk down the street in my town and have everyone look, and say "There goes that rich chick," that wouldn't be what makes me happy, either.
And when I get to the end of my life, is someone going to think: Hey, she earned lots of dollars, and boought lots of things, in her lifetime -- she was a worthy person??? Is that how it's going to go?
I surely hope not!
What I really enjoy, is being around kids. I love it when an 11-month old gives me a huge belly laugh, or a 7-month old tries to hold his own bottle for the first time. I love it when a 14-year-old suddenly says "Oh, I GET it!" about a math problem. It's a blast when your 15-year-old takes the car out for the first time with their Learner's Permit. I love to see an 8-year-old move up to cover first base, or an 11-year-old learn to spike the ball.
These are the things I have the best memories of, in the past decade or so.
Would I trade millions of dollars earned, a nicer car, a bigger home, FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE, to have these things in my life every day?
Not only would I, I would in a heartbeat. And in fact, I already HAVE.
I'm never going to amass a fortune, and I'm never going to "get ahead". I will always struggle to pay my bills. Retirement is going to be a hot mess. I OUGHT to be worried. VERY worried.
But one day I will look back and think, I helped 100's of kids to appreciate (or at least not fear) math. I helped oodles of kids have a true sense of accomplishment in learning a sport, and maybe, just maybe, some of them will lead a richer and healthier life for it. I have helped a bunch of babies on their way to things like walking and talking, and learning to share and to treat others with kindness.
It would be a little silly to think that, because I'm kinda smart, I was destined for some sort of "glory". It would be nice to win the lottery, but I know that isn't gonna happen. Really, though, who's to say this life of mine, ISN'T rather glorious?
So I have to answer a question with a question here: If YOU are so smart, why is it you keep running on the hamster wheel? Has it really helped you get where you are going? Or have you even thought about where it is you are going?
Basically, I was asked, hey, if you are so smart, why are you so POOR?
And you know, that question sort of answers itself, doesn't it?
I've had engineering jobs and I've had management jobs and I made more than the "national average" from a very young age. And you know what? It didn't make me any happier. I used to play that "get ahead" game, but the problem with that is, what IS it we are all actually trying to get ahead OF?
Most people would argue that it's the bills we want to get ahead of. But really, who MADE the bills? I would argue that, if you are trying to "get ahead", the only thing you are going to get ahead of is yourself.
You get a promotion, and a raise with it, and pretty soon, you can cover the bills fine for a few months. But then you decide that you need to replace that 10-year-old car that runs fine, because SOME day it is going to break down, and darn it, you work HARD, you deserve that new car. Then you start thinking you haven't been out to dinner vey much recently, and there is a cool new cell phone you want... Or maybe it's that you want your kids in private school, but it's always SOMETHING.
So you work even harder for that next promotion, and raise, and pretty soon you have it and you're working 60+ hours a week, you're all stressed out about the NEXT step, and you have completely forgotten, in the mean time, to LIVE YOUR LIFE.
You get caught up in watching the trees whizzing past you a mile a minute, on the highway of life. And you not only can't see the destination, but you miss all the nice stuff on the way.
No, sir, that life is not for me.
I don't need a 2000-square-foot house, a new car, fancy shoes or even high-speed internet. That isn't what makes me happy. And if I were to walk down the street in my town and have everyone look, and say "There goes that rich chick," that wouldn't be what makes me happy, either.
And when I get to the end of my life, is someone going to think: Hey, she earned lots of dollars, and boought lots of things, in her lifetime -- she was a worthy person??? Is that how it's going to go?
I surely hope not!
What I really enjoy, is being around kids. I love it when an 11-month old gives me a huge belly laugh, or a 7-month old tries to hold his own bottle for the first time. I love it when a 14-year-old suddenly says "Oh, I GET it!" about a math problem. It's a blast when your 15-year-old takes the car out for the first time with their Learner's Permit. I love to see an 8-year-old move up to cover first base, or an 11-year-old learn to spike the ball.
These are the things I have the best memories of, in the past decade or so.
Would I trade millions of dollars earned, a nicer car, a bigger home, FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE, to have these things in my life every day?
Not only would I, I would in a heartbeat. And in fact, I already HAVE.
I'm never going to amass a fortune, and I'm never going to "get ahead". I will always struggle to pay my bills. Retirement is going to be a hot mess. I OUGHT to be worried. VERY worried.
But one day I will look back and think, I helped 100's of kids to appreciate (or at least not fear) math. I helped oodles of kids have a true sense of accomplishment in learning a sport, and maybe, just maybe, some of them will lead a richer and healthier life for it. I have helped a bunch of babies on their way to things like walking and talking, and learning to share and to treat others with kindness.
It would be a little silly to think that, because I'm kinda smart, I was destined for some sort of "glory". It would be nice to win the lottery, but I know that isn't gonna happen. Really, though, who's to say this life of mine, ISN'T rather glorious?
So I have to answer a question with a question here: If YOU are so smart, why is it you keep running on the hamster wheel? Has it really helped you get where you are going? Or have you even thought about where it is you are going?
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Insidious or Something Else?
Once upon a time, my daughter was a 'tween. And there were times that a friend would call, that she didn't want to speak to. Or someone would invite her to something she didn't want to do. And she would say "Mom, tell them I'm not here..." or "Mom, tell them I'm not allowed to go...".
And I would patiently tell my daughter that she needed to learn to stand up for herself, or at the very least, make her own excuses.
Now, really, the kid's aim was to not have to hurt someone's feelings. Most of us find that quite a disagreeable thing. It's not like she was going to get on the phone and say "I'm tired of talking to you on the phone all the time," or "You know, I like you in small doses but a sleepover would just be too much for me...".
The thing is, we all DO tell little white lies. We do it mostly so we don't hurt someone's feelings. This salad is delicious. Your new haircut is terrific! You'll get that promotion next time. It's a valid social skill.
We all, also, have to take control of our likes and dislikes, and our schedule. We have to learn to say "NO" on occasion, firmly but nicely. Just think of the mess we would all be in if we REALLY COULDN'T SAY NO???
So I taught my daughter to do this for herself. Better, if someone was going to lie FOR her, that it BE her.
And while we learned this little coping mechanism, we tried to also learn how to be as honest as we could, in the process. We learned to say things like "I just don't feel like talking on the phone right now," and leaving out the "to you" part. Or we would respond with "I really had something else planned for that evening," and leave out the part about it being to wash the dog.
The point here being, that we also learned that if it's something really important, and not just a question of avoiding unnecessary hurt feelings, then we should do our best to tell it like it is.
Like when mom comes home from the grocery store to see you have 3 friends over, and one is puking her guts out... You say "Mom, I already called her mother, but she was drinking alcohol earlier and that's why she's so sick," instead of claiming stomach flu like your friend wanted you to say.
God forbid, that friend go home later and pass out cold and go into an alcohol-induced coma, and her mother think she's just sleeping off a flu. The odds are tiny, but the outcome is so important, you have to suck it up and say what you don't want to say.
My daughter knew this before she was a teenager. So, why is it that some adults, still don't know how to (a) tell a small but polite untruth, when it is appropriate, or (b) distinguish what is actually important, and do the RIGHT thing, even if it makes you uncomfortable?
How can it be, that there are grown adults walking around out there, who will tell you those jeans make you look fat, but then tell you there's nothing going on when the house is on fire? Can someone tell me; Is that stupidity, or something more insidious?
And I would patiently tell my daughter that she needed to learn to stand up for herself, or at the very least, make her own excuses.
Now, really, the kid's aim was to not have to hurt someone's feelings. Most of us find that quite a disagreeable thing. It's not like she was going to get on the phone and say "I'm tired of talking to you on the phone all the time," or "You know, I like you in small doses but a sleepover would just be too much for me...".
The thing is, we all DO tell little white lies. We do it mostly so we don't hurt someone's feelings. This salad is delicious. Your new haircut is terrific! You'll get that promotion next time. It's a valid social skill.
We all, also, have to take control of our likes and dislikes, and our schedule. We have to learn to say "NO" on occasion, firmly but nicely. Just think of the mess we would all be in if we REALLY COULDN'T SAY NO???
So I taught my daughter to do this for herself. Better, if someone was going to lie FOR her, that it BE her.
And while we learned this little coping mechanism, we tried to also learn how to be as honest as we could, in the process. We learned to say things like "I just don't feel like talking on the phone right now," and leaving out the "to you" part. Or we would respond with "I really had something else planned for that evening," and leave out the part about it being to wash the dog.
The point here being, that we also learned that if it's something really important, and not just a question of avoiding unnecessary hurt feelings, then we should do our best to tell it like it is.
Like when mom comes home from the grocery store to see you have 3 friends over, and one is puking her guts out... You say "Mom, I already called her mother, but she was drinking alcohol earlier and that's why she's so sick," instead of claiming stomach flu like your friend wanted you to say.
God forbid, that friend go home later and pass out cold and go into an alcohol-induced coma, and her mother think she's just sleeping off a flu. The odds are tiny, but the outcome is so important, you have to suck it up and say what you don't want to say.
My daughter knew this before she was a teenager. So, why is it that some adults, still don't know how to (a) tell a small but polite untruth, when it is appropriate, or (b) distinguish what is actually important, and do the RIGHT thing, even if it makes you uncomfortable?
How can it be, that there are grown adults walking around out there, who will tell you those jeans make you look fat, but then tell you there's nothing going on when the house is on fire? Can someone tell me; Is that stupidity, or something more insidious?
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